Historic Live-Blogging…Obama crosses the delegate threshhold as THE NOMINEE…Primary results for Montana and South Dakota, which are 14 hours behind everybody…

That’s right.

ABC’s already reporting it. HuffPost says he officially has 9 delegates to go, MSNBC (on the teevee) says 11 10.

Hillary saying something tonight…”not conceding” but, um, “conceding.” Or something stupid. She just wants leverage. WALNUTS!!! is talking, too. Apparently, he is going to try to distance himself from Bush as much as possible.

This is historic. We’re awarding the Democratic nomination to a mixed-race man with a Muslim middle name who was virtually unknown 4 years ago. I’m kickin’ it with Rachel Maddow and Pat “I hate blacks” Buchanan on MSNBC.

7:28 PM – Numbers McTodd is talking about whether McCain should pick a black, a lady, a bigot, or a self-hating jew for his veepee candidate. Where the hell did MSNBC get their popular vote numbers from?

7:32 PM – Jason Linkins blogging here. He’s awesome. He also reports that the 17 uncommitted Senate superdelegates are going to wait until tomorrow to endorse. What the fuck why? Just so they can see their names higher in the newspaper? Will put up Wonkette link once they decide they’re drunk enough to start blogging. Hey-o!

7:36 PM Howard Fineman of Newsweek says lots of Hillz’ aides wanted her to quit a month ago, and that Obama is willing to offer her the veepee slot as long as she guarantees that she won’t take it. We don’t want her, anyway, so why offer it? Don’t believe her, Barry, she lies, she lies, she lies. Of course, if it’s necessary to appease her dumbass West Virginian/bitter lady voters…David Gregory just said “kabuki” and “Jindal” in the same sentence.

7:39 PM Bob Cesca live-blogging here and reports that CNN says Obama is only like 4 delegates away; adding to my open tabs, Cliff Schecter is live-blogging here. Cliff is awwwwwwesome. Blah blah kabuki kabuki McCain speaking now.

7:42 PM McCain pronounces it New Or-leeeeeeeeeeee-uhns. Congratulates the black and the girl for being such good fighters. “Hillary deserves more appreciation than she receives.” McCain trying too woo Clinton supporters. Don’t be stupid, Clinton supporters.

7:44 PM Wonkette McCain live-blog up. They say they’re not going to drink tonight. Bullshit!

7:45 PM McCain: government policies bad bad bad. i’m not Bush. Not Bush. Me not Bush. Hate Bush. like you! Hate Bush. lots of words and issues. we need to change everything! i’m the changer! not Barack Obama!

7:47 PM he’s trying to speak like a Democrat. haha. LIAR. There are like 50 people at his speech, including the dickbrain in the audience holding the sign that says “Mac Attack.” um, right. basically the theme of this speech is “change.” did you catch that? “Change”…we can believe in? actually, naw, just usin’ the word…

7:48 PM something about dehydrated babies needing bottled water. going after Bush on Katrina without saying the word “Bush.” “the wrong change looks to the past for solutions.” then why are you running, McCain?

7:51 PM this is like Pictionary night at a fucking retirement home. going after government for failing people. um…it’s the Republicans’ stewardship of government that’s the problem, stupid. “you’ll hear that i’m running for Bush’s 3rd term…why does Obama have to say that all the time? because it’s not true.” haha. but it IS true, stupid old man. it’s so sad that Walnuts is having to run away from George so much. it’s good for McCain that most Americans don’t pay attention to what’s really going on. hey, guess what? McCain doesn’t support the troops, he supports the military industrial complex. get it right, stupids.

7:55 PM We have suc-seen the suc-cess of the surge. except that we haven’t. let’s see how much he lies….oops, there’s one. “The Iraqi government has made great progress towards reconciliation.” NOT REALLY. McCain is such a vile bilious senile liar about this war it’s sick. “Americans should question the judgment of someone who wants to talk to tyrants…” THEY HAVE. over 70% of Americans SUPPORT talking to our enemies.

7:57 PM BOOOO from the crowd on “waif-ful” spending. McCain not for wasting good money on things like body armor for the troops or medical care for veterans. he sounds like that Tim Calhoun character on SNL. “oooobama…is…not…change…we…can…believe…in.”

8:00 PM i agree with Bob Cesca. McBush looks reallllllly fake tonight and Karl Rove’s minions wrote this speech. McCain: I will fix health care by not fixing it.

8:02 PM Okay, seriously, every time he says “hehehe, that’s not change we can believe in!” i think of the senior citizens with bad breath and liver spots at the nursing homes where i used to play piano. they were sweet. they didn’t need to be president either. haha, he just said it again!

8:04 PM Polls just closed in South Dakota and MSNBC is officially projecting Obama as the Democratic nominee. History has just been made. The world just perked up and started to listen to the US a little bit more closely.

8:05 PM Funny that they interrupted McCain’s speech. “move over, Grandpa, you’re not the real news tonight.”

8:08 PM Wonkette new name for John McCain: JAMMAKAIN! Also this quote: “If his refrain for this campaign is “That’s not change we can believe in,” then he is well and truly doomed.”

8:10 PM Brokaw says Obama’s nomination is historic for Republicans, too. Right. Whatever. Hey, Republicans, he’s the best candidate. If you don’t vote for him, you’re an idiot.

8:13 PM GOD I hate Harold Ford, Jr! Uggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh triangulating moron. Haha, Ford does point out that McCain’s speech overlooked his “95% voting record” with George W. Bush. so suck it, “Maverick.”

8:16 PM hahahahaha Cliff Schecter: “Thank God they broke away from McCain’s oratorical waterboarding of all cable tv viewers.” oratorical waterboarding. Well played!

8:21 PM Breaking! From the Clintons! Clinton wants to talk to Obama! “pleeeeeeease pay my bills daddy! pleeeeeeease! Wonkette new name for John McCain’s laugh: “Uncle Pedobear Porky Pig chuckle.” ROFLMAOLOLSRSLY4SHER.

8:22 PM Wonkette points out that maybe Clinton wants to meet so she can kill Obama.

8:25 PM MSNBC projects Hillz wins South Dakota. What? He’ll get the last win of the primary season in Montana.

8:28 PM Haha, Rachel Maddow: John McCain is presenting Barack Obama as one who supports the “old ways of government. That’s somethin’ coming from John McCain!”

8:30 PM This Hil’ry winning South Dakota thing is weird…it’s 56-44 right now with 22% in, but….weird!

8:32 PM Terry McAuliffe is yelling at Hillary supporters and they are yelling back. I see no bottle of rum. Let’s see if he declares Hillary the nominee like he did yesterday.

8:35 PM Here comes Hillary. Let’s see what kind of bullshit SHE says. Olbermann says there were no advance copies of this speech disseminated. She’s going to activate her bitter ladies’ secret programming to kill everybody.

8:36 PM She just said South Dakota had the last word. You hear that Montana? YOU’RE NOT A STATE in Hillary’s mind.

8:37 PM just congratulated Obama for inspiring people…but not for his nomination? bitch. clinton supporters clapping for obama supporters! stupid whites.

8:39 PM Dad just called. He says hi, Americans. and then i accidentally closed the MSNBC window. so i missed something. she’s repeating her “popular vote” lie.

8:41 PM Clinton’s supporters boo like McCain’s retards. Clintards. do Obama’s supporters do this?

8:43 PM Oh my god, what is she doing? Get to the concession, Bitch. “everyone should have a fair shot at the American Dream…a party that cherishes every child…” except the ones blown up by CLUSTER BOMBS. “each one of your votes was a….PRAYER.” Hillary won the most prayers!!!!!!! haha, Barack, prayers count as 5 votes a piece!

8:46 PM NONE OF YOU IS INVISIBLE TO ME. Unless you live in Montana, a caucus state, or a state that Barack won, which is most of them. Some retard just yelled “we see you too Hillary!” Hillary wants to end war in Iraq, and fix economy but voted for the war and voted for the bankruptcy bill? WEIRD.

8:51 PM “These things (health care, global warming, etc.) have been the causes of this campaign, & they’ll continue to be the causes of my life.” That’s a good sign. Sounds like she’s starting to transition into…conceding? Um, the chant right now sounds like “Hitler! Hitler! Hitler!”

8:52 PM Now she’s talking about how it’s awesome when veterans donated their grocery money to her campaign and how she bilked an 11-year old who sold his bike…

8:53 PM “Where do we go from here? I Will Be Making No Decisions Tonight.” sounds like she’s the same thing John McCain calls Cindy. Runt? Bunt? Shunt? Whatever it is.

8:55 PM She’s actually whoring for donations without saying the word “donations.” NOT A WORD about the fact that Obama has won the nomination. Prideful bitch. Thanking her staff now.

8:56 PM From Bob Cesca: Senator Clinton: “This has been a long campaign and I will be making no decisions tonight.” Of course not. That would be too classy.” Srsly. Now talking about lady in South Dakota without health care. She always sounds sincere when she talks about health care. She actually cares about it. Hey, idea…Obama appoint Hillary to special task force to fix health care. NO CONCESSION AT ALL. WOW. Nice line at the end, though…something about “with Lady Liberty present and the towers missing, we’re reminded that Americans are resilient,” blah blah blah.

8:57 PM Montana closes in 3 minutes or so.

8:58 PM Olbermann: Terry McAuliffe introduced her as the “next president” of the US…asks “did she hold this speech in a basement without teevees so her Clintards wouldn’t know Obama was the nominee?” (he didn’t say Clintard.)

8:59 PM Chris Matthews: Hillz couldn’t be candidate of change b/c she voted for the war; Obama could. Probably right on that one.

9:02 PM Wonkette said it too: “Well, she’s done. It seems pretty obvious that she’s using her leverage to force Obama to let her take over health care reform. Go for it, killer.” I said it, they said it. And i’d be fine with that.

9:03 PM MSNBC projects Obama as the King of Montana. See, Hillary? There ARE 57 states.

9:08 PM Obama’s about to speak.

9:09 PM Bill Clinton apparently going back to Harlem to work. Is he doing this as a precondition to Obama talking to Hillz about being the veepee? Could Obama possibly be saying “I’ll take you, but not the blowjob queen”? Here comes Michelle Obama.

9:11 PM OOH she wearin Purple b/c she’s going to be queen of America yes sir.

9:12 PM IN case you hadn’t heard, Obama’s giving his speech in the same place the Republicans are having their convention. niiiiiice.

9:13 PM can i just say i LOVE the little fist punches Michelle and Barack give each other? they luvz each other.

9:13 PM There is a black man up there! Having the nomination! Of a REAL PARTY! not like Alan Keyes! Haha. Alan Keyes called himself an abortion a few weeks ago.

9:15 PM Says tonight is for his grandmother, who is in Hawai’i, which means she’s a Moose-lem. says primary season is over after 54 contests….um, thought it was 57, gaffe-y mcnutswill.

9:17 PM GOD this is Historic and Awesome! “I will be the Democratic nominee for the President of the United States of America.” Crowd LOSES it.

9:19 PM “our party put forth one of the most talented fields to ever run for [president]“…yeah we did.

9:20 PM he is so gracious to Hillary Clinton, and she is so ungracious toward him. hear that, Clinton supporters? “not just because she’s a woman who has done what no woman has done before, but because she is a leader who inspires millions of Americans…i congratulate her for her victory in South Dakota and i congratulate her for the race she has won…” (Crowd is gracious, too.) “What gets Hillary Clinton up in the morning…is an unyielding desire to improve the lives of ordinary Americans, no matter how difficult the fight may be…” seems to hint that she will be the one to fix health care. TAKE IT, Hillary.

9:23 PM Okay, Obama’s supporters boo like retards, too. Obamatards. Clintards. Paultards. JAMMAKAINtards. All tards.

9:24 PM “We cannot afford to keep doing what we’ve been doing!” I thought Jammakain said he Obama was old politics. Classic deflection. Because Walnuts!! is old.

9:25 PM McCain has served heroically, and i respect his many accomplishments, “even if he chooses to deny mine.” OH-BAMA-SNAP!

9:28 PM McCain offers 4 more years of Bush economic policies, voted with Bush 95% of the time…it’s not “change when he promises to continue a policy in Iraq that asks everything of our brave men and women in uniform, and asks nothing of Iraqi politicians…” ET CETERA. PREACH, Barack, Preach. “There are many words to describe John McCain’s attempts to pass off his policies as new, but CHANGE is not one of them.” Oh, he is SO ON tonight!

9:29 PM It’s time to take care of our military, and take care of our veterans WHEN THEY COME HOME. AMEN.

9:32 PM Meeting today’s threats requires not just our firepower, but the strength of our diplomacy. Invoking Roosevelt and Kennedy. Nice. “John McCain has [talked a lot] about going to Iraq, but maybe if he’d spend some time in the cities that have been hit hardest by this economy, he’d understand what kind of change people are looking for.” Another Oh-bama-snap!

9:33 PM I’ve been saying it, but i CANNOT WAIT to watch Obama campaign against McCain. This is just the beginning, and comparing the two performances tonight, Obama’s going to give McCain a fucking heart attack.

9:35 PM Says he looks forward to debating the Republicans, too. “what you won’t see from this campaign is a politics that uses religion as a wedge and patriotism as a bludgeon.” WOW. this campaign is going to be fucking AMAZING.

9:38 PM Just kidding, I can’t vote for him because he’s black.

9:38 PM STOP LOGGING INTO MY BLOG GERALDINE FERRARO!

9:39 PM he just started quoting the Broadway version of Jekyll & Hyde. i think it was an accident.

9:41 PM AND HE’S DONE. I think I just had an Obama-gasm. srsly.

9:43 PM Bob Cesca updates: Obama is up to 2,136 delegates. Sailed past 2118. Full gracious words about Hillary Clinton:

That is particularly true for the candidate who has traveled further on this journey than anyone else. Senator Hillary Clinton has made history in this campaign not just because she’s a woman who has done what no woman has done before, but because she’s a leader who inspires millions of Americans with her strength, her courage, and her commitment to the causes that brought us here tonight.

We’ve certainly had our differences over the last sixteen months. But as someone who’s shared a stage with her many times, I can tell you that what gets Hillary Clinton up in the morning – even in the face of tough odds – is exactly what sent her and Bill Clinton to sign up for their first campaign in Texas all those years ago; what sent her to work at the Children’s Defense Fund and made her fight for health care as First Lady; what led her to the United States Senate and fueled her barrier-breaking campaign for the presidency – an unyielding desire to improve the lives of ordinary Americans, no matter how difficult the fight may be.

And you can rest assured that when we finally win the battle for universal health care in this country, she will be central to that victory. When we transform our energy policy and lift our children out of poverty, it will be because she worked to help make it happen. Our party and our country are better off because of her, and I am a better candidate for having had the honor to compete with Hillary Rodham Clinton.

9:47 PM Olbermann: crowd for Obama’s speech 17,000 inside, 15,000 outside. McCain spoke to 50 people and Hillary spoke in the basement where there were no lights but lots of rats. Sneaky black man, making a speech that people come to, cheater, cheater, cheater.

9:49 PM Wonkette quotes about Obama’s speech:

“There are many words to describe the shittiness of John McCain, but ‘change’ is not one of them.”

Called Obama’s line about McCain going to Iraq but having no idea about what’s happening on Main Street a “SUPERBURN.”

9:54 PM more Wonkette from their new live-blog:

Let us note, again, how Barry Obama spent five minutes of his speech heaping praise on Hillary, who wants him to die in June.

“This guy is really fucking hard to liveblog. My cynicism just … melts into my panties.”

9:55 PM Chris Matthews & Tom Brokaw just got news-boners over the word “leitmotif.” pansies.

9:57 PM Yeah, I know how to spell “leitmotif” all by myself. Jealous? Oh god, Harold Ford Jr again…”he was gracious, he was patriotic, he was smart, and really, he was gracious,and.and.and.and.and..ehehehehehehehehblahblahblahblahblah.” No, seriously, it was possibly the most amazing speech of the campaign, and i have a feeling Obama’s just getting started.

10:06 PM i may be drunk. just said this, out loud, before i killed a fly: “Oh yeah? Wanna see how it feels to be…YOURSELF?” Right. If anything happened, i missed it, because i was killing flies and making a sandwich.

10:09 PM Senator Jon Tester (D-MT) just endorsed Obama! What a risk! (Delegate clock ticks up one more…)

10:14 PM Chris Matthews Bri-Wi Sausage Party talking about racecars!

10:16 PM Russert makes good point: The candidates are SO different that we are going to actually have a real debate in this election.

10:23 PM haha, wow. apparently Republicans are still voting (whatever) and in South Dakota, 26% voted AGAINST JAMMAKAIN WALNUTS!!!. Obama up to 2,141 delegates. (h/t Bob Cesca for alla that)

10:25 PM Olbermann: a “series of threshholds passed tonight” for Obama. predicts will end night with 2219.5 delegates, which, if you remember, is higher than the 2,210 Hillary was trying to float for a while.

10:29 PM Oh god, Ed Rendell (PA governor) is on…rabid retard Hillary supporter…*whew* Rendell says Hillary will probably move swiftly to endorse Obama and unite the party. there’s hope, yet. Rendell correctly states that the way for Obama to connect with Hillary’s bitter racist voters is through economic issues. “Pound the economy. Pound the disparity between rich and poor. Pound something else. Poundcake. Pound bitches.”

10:32 PM Cesca did it, so I will too. One of Obama’s best lines of the night, which made McCain look like a petty child:

“I respect his many accomplishments even if he chooses to deny mine.”

10:35 PM Haha wow, the second the polls closed in Montana, apparently 26.5 superdelegates endorsed Obama. Brave, guys, you’re so brave. Now I know which superdelegates I want to be trapped under rubble with. the RISKTAKERS.

10:41 PM What year did Pat Buchanan die again? He’s saying there’s something wrong with Obama and that the whole country wants to get rid of him. All the rest of the panel is telling him he’s stupid. They’re right.

10:45 PM Okay I’m done now, I think, unless Pat Buchanan or Tim Russert says something really stupid, in which case I’ll let you know.