Articles I’m Reading This Morning 6/6/08

UPDATED! SEE BELOW, LIKE HALFWAY DOWN!

One of Memphis’s local right-tards, Ben Ferguson, is on right now, and he’s talking about global warming like the right-tard he is. Do these people mention science? Nah! Some woman, Linda, just called in and said “hoooooow cain people thank thay be soooo productive that we could hay-uve inny effeck on this beautiful earth that God created? He controls the clah-mit!” And then they said left-wing people are cursing her right now because she clings to her Bible. Nah. We’re laughing at the tard-lady and the host, Ben Ferguson, who is coming to us live from Adult Daycare. (I think we have a mutual friend, actually. I should challenge him to a brain duel!) Anyway, onward:

Maybe if we had a sound foreign policy of humanitarian interventionism, we could do something. Instead, people are starving in Zimbabwe as their government plays politics with food aid, kicks out aid groups, and arrests the opposition leader in the lead-up to the run-off election against certified whackjob Robert Mugabe. Dumb American translation: It would be like arresting Obama or Clinton because they connect with the American people more than George W. Bush. (Don’t get any ideas, George…wait, haha, you can’t read!)

Fat drug addict Rush Limbaugh adds to the growing chorus claiming that Bush will be attacking Iran in a final “Fuck You” to America and the world.

Right-tards without innertubes: Indicted pathetic criminal Tom DeLay went on Mike Gallagher’s show yesterday to say that Obama is a “Marxist”:

“I have said publicly, and I will again, that unless he proves me wrong, he is a Marxist,” DeLay declared.

Gallagher couldn’t agree more, saying “that’s what he is”:

GALLAGHER: Yeah, that’s, we hear that everyday. Congressman, every day someone will say to me, and I’ve said it, it’s as if this were a guy who’s desperately trying to cover up what seems to be the kind of old school Marxist, radical liberal failed ideology.

DELAY: Absolutely.

GALLAGHER: That’s what he is.

DELAY: No doubt about it.

These are not the first right-tards to say this. Bill Kristol, that paragon of excellence who has never been right about anything in his entire life (seriously, factcheck one column, they only start to make sense if you reverse every single thing he says), thinks so too.

Marxist: I Do Not Think It Means What You Think It Means.

THE UPDATE IS RIGHT HERE!!!

The following gloriousness comes from Bob Cesca:

Tom Delay, Indicted Republican: “Unless he proves me wrong, [Obama] is a Marxist.”

Hunter, Blogger: “Unless he proves me wrong, Tom Delay lures children into his van with candy, gasses them to death with bug spray, and uses their powdered bones as an aphrodisiac when making love to all the animals at the San Antonio Sea World.”

OHHHHHHHH Blogger-snap! Okay, regularly scheduled programming…

Only seven percent of Americans favor taking military action against Iran. In George’s world, that’s probably a mandate.

That Senate report that just came out? The one that basically vindicated everything the crazy left-wing bloggers have been saying for years, about how Bush lied us into war, and he knew he was lying? Yeah, well, that undermine’s McCain’s assessment and judgment of the situation, as well, since he has repeatedly moo-ed the line about “every intelligence assessment confirmed it! it was the intelligence’s fault!”

BREAKING: Oh my God, NBC actually just covered the above story! Very briefly, mind you, as an afterthought, but they said it!

Someone from Ehud Olmert’s Crazy Government in Crazy Israel is saying they’re going to attack Iran now! Get these nutcases out of power…Oh, and Dumb American? It’s not going to happen in any productive way in Iran if we bomb it.

Trials have finally started in Guantanamo, and it’s a circus. Convenient timing, since verdicts are supposed to be handed down right around the time of the Republican Convention. Detainees representing themselves, security guards cutting the sound off for reporters when detainees refer to being tortured by the US Government, military and ACLU lawyers trying to get these men a fair trial, the judge shutting down the lawyers, detainees wanting to be martyrs, a good time is being had by ALL!

The New York Times reports that “[t]he Air Force’s senior civilian official and its highest-ranking general were ousted by Defense Secretary Robert M. Gates on Thursday following an official inquiry into the mishandling of nuclear weapons and components, an episode that Mr. Gates called an indication of systemic problems in the Air Force.”

Quote of the day, from the mayor of St. Paul, MN:

“I think especially for women of my mother’s generation, it’s going to be very hard. They had waited so long for this (a woman in the White House). But I’ve spoken with a number of women like that in the last day. I think they’ll come around. You don’t spend your life fighting for women’s rights and then vote for Sen. McCain.”

CBS’s newest poll shows Barack Obama beating John McCain 48-42 in the general election, and Obama hasn’t even started making McCain look like the fool he is yet.

Speaking of fools, you’ll be hearing the right-tards claim that Obama is the most liberal Senator ever a lot over the coming months. (Didn’t they say that about John Kerry?) As it turns out:

Lately John [Amato] and I [Howie Klein] have been gnashing our collective teeth every time we see one of the Republican shills on TV repeating, mantra-like, the #1 GOP Big Lie of the campaign: “Barack Obama is the most liberal member of the U.S. Senate.”

If only! Actually there are 39 Democrats with more liberal voting records…

So, then how do the Right-tards figure that Obama is the “most liberal” of the Senators?

Welllllll….

This year, their utterly meaningless ranking system, ready-made for Republican smear attacks, defined “liberal” as members who voted, on January 18, to establish a Senate Office of Public Integrity to handle ethics complaints against senators. Given the Republican Culture of Corruption that still rules the Beltway, that may be anti-Republican, but what makes it “liberal?” Similarly anyone who agreed in mid-March to the final passage of a bill implementing the 9/11 Commission’s Homeland Security recommendations, is suddenly “liberal?” And on May 9, Obama joined many other senators in voting to block individuals from serving on Food and Drug Administration drug advisory panels if they have conflicts of interest.

Let’s hope more Americans start defining liberal this way. Because to me this all sounds very mainstream, even if John “W” McCain was on the wrong side of each vote.

No conflicts of interest with Big Pharm, the ones who want to drug us? Implementing 9/11 Commission’s recommendations for keeping our nation safe? Rooting out the ethical corruption and criminality in the Senate, a practice that would, for the most part, take down Republicans? OOOOOH, Liberals!

If that’s a liberal, then, yes, I am still one.

Morons.

Finally, (for now), I got the following love-letter from Howard Dean yesterday:

Dear Evan,

I wanted to drop you a quick note about a major policy change here at the Democratic Party.

As we move toward the general election, the Democratic Party has to be the Party of ordinary Americans, not Washington lobbyists and special interests. So, as of this morning, if you’re a federal lobbyist, or if you control political action committee donations, we won’t be accepting your contribution.

This is an unprecedented move for a political party to make — one that has sent shockwaves through Washington and has turned the debate on clean campaigns upside down. We’ve unilaterally agreed to shut lobbyists out of the process, and are we’re relying on people just like you.

Just imagine what hundreds of thousands of Americans donating $20, $30, or $50 at a time can accomplish together. Imagine the signal that it sends to anyone who looks at John McCain’s political machine and the special interest money it needs to fuel every move it makes.

We have a chance to change the way business is done in this country, and we’re taking the lead. Will you join us and make a contribution right now to help us elect Barack Obama?

http://www.democrats.org/nonlobbyists

I’ve written before about guys like Charlie Black and Rick Davis, lobbyists who are at the highest levels of McCain’s campaign. But they’re just the start — John McCain and the RNC suck up lobbyist money millions of dollars at a time.

In May, McCain had his best fundraising month of the campaign, and it was directly because he refuses to shut special interests out.

But we did, and we need your help. This is an example of the kind of White House Barack Obama would run. Make a contribution to help elect him:

http://www.democrats.org/nonlobbyists

I’ll be in touch later about our plans for the general election, but I wanted to let you know about our policy change right away.

Thanks,

Howard Dean

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. If you want my cherry, Howard, you’re going to have to get it the old fashioned way.

Tetherball tournament, amirite?

Seriously, though, that’s a good step for the Lib’rul Democrat Party to take.