Thanks a lot, you dumb fundamentalists, you’ve gone and pissed off Jesus!

Jesus Christ quits Christianity after viewing Republican platform

…[I]n an announcement that has left his followers shaken, the Christ himself has come forward to announce that he is leaving Christianity, effective immediately. The reasoning: The 2008 Republican Platform. Reached for comment at a West Hollywood coffee shop, Christ said that he couldn’t deal with a world that so misinterpreted his words and actions.

“They mention the word ‘faith’ 12 times in their platform,” said Christ. “Do they think we’re idiots or something?”

Christ went on to say that he had grown tired of being portrayed as a “marauding archangel of vengeance,” and that he held out little hope that the world would ever accept his message of peace.

“There’s a new breed of Christian out there that seems to think I represent free-for-all capitalism and slaying my enemies,” said Christ, munching on an arugula quiche. “I mean, they made Isaiah into a Cold War-era strategist, for Dad’s sake. Did they even read the New Testament?”

(snip)

“We had a good run,” said Christ. “It really far exceeded anything I had hoped for, but humanity was supposed to become more evolved over time, not less.

Bad fundamentalists!

Jesus hates you, and you have ruined everything, and I hate you, too, so go stub your cunts, forever!

Go read the whole thing at the link above.