Barack Obama vs. The Dishonored Liar, town hall meetin’ style! (liveblogging the debate)

God, John McCain is so presumptuous.  Prediction — he’ll be pissed off and it’ll barely brew beneath the surface because John McCain finds it offensive that he’s losing to a young black man.  Oh well.  The young black man is honest, intelligent, and honorable, and you, Walnuts the Liar, are none of those.

I’ll be back in 30 or so when the debate starts.

8:01 Oh, it’s starting.  FYI, there was just a HUGE meltdown on The Biggest Loser!  The trainer got mad!  People were fat and unmotivated!  This is important.

8:02 The audience said they would be good boys and girls.  At home, we are allowed to say “YOU FUCKING LIAR WALNUTS” and drink a lot.

8:04 First question:  “The economy sucks more than last time, holla!”  Oh wait, just kidding, question from “Alan.”  Starting with a middle-class question.

8:07 We are definitely on Obama’s turf tonight.  How is McCain going to lie his way out of this one?  Why the hell is McCain already talking about energy?  Valid point, but come on…AND THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH WASHINGTON SPENDING, WALNUTS.  Wanna cut spending?  YOUR WAR.

8:08 Help for those facing foreclosure?  This is new from Walnuts.

8:09 Who would McCain appoint to Treasury?  PHIL GRAMM.

8:10 Who would Obama appoint to Treasury?  Warren Buffett would be nice.  Osama bin Laden?  NICER.  *snort snort*  I’m glad that Obama is going on the offensive immediately.

8:11 Question from Oliver:  “How is yr big bailout going to help me?”  McCain grandstanding about his “campaign suspension.”  Jesus.  This is boring.

8:13 OMG FANNIE MAE/FREDDIE MAC ARE NOT THE SOLE OR EVEN PRIMARY CAUSE OF THIS, JOHN.

8:14 Haha, Barry sez “I have to correct McCain’s history, not surprisingly.”  Replaces McCain’s Fannie Freddie scapegoating with the actual culprit, deregulation.

8:17 Obama’s name is not on that letter, because McCain wrote it to Pocahontas, when they were dating.

8:19 Yes, Ernestine, there’s blame to go around, but remember who’s been in control for the last eight years.  Bush, fellated the whole way by John McCain.

8:21 Is he about to say “maverick” or did SNL take care of that?

8:22 Working with Joe Lieberman is not bi-partisanship, WALNUTS.

8:22 John McCain is so against spending he’s willing to deny veterans benefits EVERY TIME they come up.

8:23 “In my day, we didn’t have overhead projectors in Chicago!  We were in Vietnam for FIVE AND A HALF YEARS with NO overhead projectors and NO SPACE.”

8:25 Apparently McCain wants to cut $1.3 trillion from Medicare and send Social Security to the deregulated stock market.  Dick.

8:28 Oh, so Tom Brokaw is Mister Clock Fucker Watcher tonight.

8:29 God, Walnuts is obsessed with this overhead projector, isn’t he?  He just picks two or three lines and sticks with them.

8:30 OH MY GOD, MCCAIN’S HEALTHCARE PLAN IS HORRIBLE AND EARMARKS ARE LIKE LESS THAN 1% OF THE FEDERAL BUDGET.

8:34 Thank you, Barack, for pointing out just how much piddly shit earmarks are.

8:35 Oh Jesus Christ, Obama has one tax proposal.  God, John McCain is such a bald-faced liar.

8:36 Oh m’lord, I’ve read McCain’s tax plan, it’s all about tax cuts for the wealthy.  Just a fucking liar.

8:38 Straight Talk Express lost a wheel!  And it’s leaking Walnuts out the fuel tank!  WALNUTS!!

8:40 Everybody’s being so nice.  Why didn’t you do townhalls with Walnuts, Barry?  McCain wouldn’t have had to turn into a lying asshole if he had.  Let’s see what the “fixes” are for Social Security…second time Walnuts has said “Reagan and Tip O’Neill!”  Seriously, he just finds three lines and repeats them.  OH WE NEED A COMMISSION FOR MEDICARE NOW!  COMMISSION TIME!

8:42 New drinking game:  every time McCain says “let’s look at our records, my friends,” drink blood.

8:43 Um, it’s not always good for Congress to “move fast,” Amber.  It’s a “deliberative body.”  There’s kind of a principle here…

8:45 McCain:  “Um…Senator Obama did…said…something…NUCLEAR POWER ON SHIPS…let’s do sumthin’…we can do it!”

8:49 John McCain would vote against curing AIDS if there was 20 bucks for a strip of grass in California in the bill.  That’s the truth.

8:52 I’m bored.  Glad Obama is telling the truth about McCain’s shitty health plan.

8:53 Um, John McCain doesn’t want to talk about his “health plan,” does he?

8:54 John McCain will let you go across state lines for healthcare because he went across state lines for FIVE AND A HALF YEARS.

8:56 Yes, it’s pathetic that the United States doesn’t guarantee healthcare for its citizens.  “Greatest Country in the World,” my ass.

8:57 THANK YOU for pointing out that McCain voted against the S-CHIP expansion.

8:59 Oh, we’re doing foreign policy now.  McCain’s going to talk about being a “peacemaker.”  Drink.

9:00 McCain’s record on “when to go in and when not to” is abysmal, thank you.

9:01 Trotting out the Lebanon lie again?

9:06 Um, Iraq isn’t “getting better,” Iranian influence HAS increased, John McCain, you stupid motherfucking senile piece of shit.

9:07 “Cool hand at the tiller?”  What is this, 1929?  Oh wait.  And then he told the Lebanon lie again.  MCCAIN WASN’T IN THE SENATE WHEN REAGAN SENT TROOPS TO LEBANON.

9:10 Good that he keeps hammering the fact that if we hadn’t dropped the ball in Afghanistan in the first fucking place, we wouldn’t be in this situation in the first place.  Make no mistake, this election is about judgment, and McCain can pretend he has it all he wants, but he’s still the same drunk gambler he was when he got shot down in Hanoi.

9:11 Obama says things loudly with a black cock, instead of walk softly with a black cock like Roosevelt!

9:12 Um, we don’t have the “support of the people” in Iraq, we bribed them, dumbass.

9:15 So McCain just lies about Obama’s comments right after he made them.  And he was just a-jokin’ with a veteran about bombing Iran…ONSTAGE…ON NATIONAL TELEVISION.

9:18 UH OH Walnuts just agreed with the black!

9:20 Um, no, advocating for NATO membership for Ukraine and Georgia is not necessarily wise, John.  Also?  It’s great to “support Georgia,” but it’s best to understand that Saakashvili is an unhinged fuckwit just like Putin.  Jesus, why do I understand foreign policy better than John McCain?

9:25 Why is McCain touching the audience members?  They don’t want melanoma leprosy AIDS, thx.

9:26 Yes, Obama wants to sit down with the Iranians, just like five former Secretaries of State, including three Republicans.  And goddammit, this League of Democracies idea is so fucking stupid, can somebody kill it?

9:33 John McCain doesn’t know what’s going to happen because he’s not psychic, and also because he lacks the ability to interpret and foresee situations that might arise.  Like the financial crisis.  Like the fact that we weren’t greeted as liberators.  Like the fact that Carol was going to have a car accident and wouldn’t be hot anymore.

9:34 Last time it was “cool” hand at the tiller, now it’s “steady” hand at the tiller?  FLIPPETERFLOPPETER.  That was a very nice boring debate, the end.

9:37 Andrea Mitchell & Chucky Todd and the BriWi are talking about how the Town Hall is supposed to be where McCain shines.  Considering the fact that Obama did as well as he did or better, and considering the fact that the Dow sucked the balls today, I call it an Obama win on balance.